Laboratory of Evil Science

We’ve hit some hard times recently. A few months ago the physics department poisoned our entire faculty, demanded the defection of many of the graduate students and stole most of our valuable equipment. The university was very upset by this act and officially censured the physics department. Of course, their popularity was so high and their coffers so filled with donations from pleased alumni that they were able to pay the fine and still come out in the black. Meanwhile, we’re pretty much screwed. Second rate teaching assistants who can barely speak English are teaching the few courses we offer that anyone actually wants to take. (In many ways things haven’t changed all that much.)